Second Breakfast
by Kal-El Fornia
Summary: Whether his time is spent trying to kill Orlesians with the Joining, following around fellow Grey Warden Stroud who only cares about food, talking about how perverted the Hero of Ferelden is, or listening to the constant snark from a young Warden named Carver, Loghain finds that he begins to hate Val Royeaux more and more every day.


An idea for Loghain in Orlais popped into my head and I began writing, but in the end I didn't even use my idea. Oh well.

Disclaimer: Don't own Dragon Age.

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"I'm surprised you decided to come with us, Loghain." the Grey Warden Stroud said as he and two of his Ferelden Warden brothers, Loghain and a young man named Carver, walked through the crowded streets of Val Royeaux. "Usually you spend all your time trying to recruit more Wardens around the city."

Loghain grunted as he smelled a bit of insufferable cheese coming from one of the stalls that the three of them walked by. In the past he wouldn't have minded it so much, but now the disgusting odor reminded him that his daughter was married to a dumbass. "Well if the Joining is the only chance I have to kill Orlesians, then I'll take what I can get."

"Despite the fact that I still kind of hate you for killing the king and leaving us all to die at Ostagar," Carver began while looking around at all the different fancy clothes just beyond certain windows that they strolled by, "I do admit that you have the right idea when it comes to Orlesians."

"If it's any consolation," Loghain responded the young Carver. "Cailan was an idiot."

"And? So is King Alistair." Carver deadpanned.

Loghain only smirked. "I think I like you."

Carver smirked back. "Fuck off."

"Now now," Stroud turned around to say to his brothers-at-arms while pointing up at the sign of a building they just stopped in front of, "how about we all have some second breakfast and have ourselves a good time?"

Loghain nearly reeled back in horror when he saw what the sign of the restaurant had on it. The sign didn't have any words on it, but instead it had a mascot which was something that eerily looked like himself, except with a chef's hat on. "What the hell is this? Mac Tir'nalds?"

Stroud shrugged. "We kind of love you here in Orlais."

Loghain ran his armored fingers through his hair. "I've spent most of my entire life slaughtering your people by the score."

"Except for when you're killing the fine folk of Ferelden, of course." Carver helpfully pointed out.

"Shut it, Hawke!"

"Well," Stroud stroked his pornstache as he thought, "why else would you get so many invitations to all the events that the nobles hold?"

"I figured they just all wanted to assassinate me." Loghain replied honestly, "Like I can't even tell you how many Orlesians I've killed with the Joining since the First Warden sent me here."

"Well-" Stroud started before Loghain interrupted him.

"Seriously, I've probably used up like half of the Archdemon blood from when Brosca killed it a couple years back."

Stroud raised his finger and opened his mouth to say something, but instead Carver beat him to the punch. "If they wanted to assassinate you they'd probably just send one of those Antivan Crows."

Loghain rolled his eyes since the effectiveness of the Crows was something that was grandly over exaggerated. "First, the Orlesians like using bards. And second, the Antivan Crows are the most incompetent assassins I've ever met. I hired one once, and all he managed to do was get plowed in the ass by the one of the guys I hired him to kill."

"One of the targets raped him?" Carver asked out of curiosity, seeing as it was a rather curious story all things considered.

Loghain shook his head. "No, one of the targets just had gay sex with him. That was of course before he went off and banged one of the aforementioned bards I was talking about, and then a witch of the wilds as well for good measure because apparently dwarves are sexy."

Carver rubbed his hairless jaw as he raised an eyebrow. "Who were the targets?"

"The Hero of Ferelden, and the dumbass who married my daughter."

"Classy, Loghain."

"Shut it, Hawke."

Stroud, the senior Warden despite the fact that Loghain was probably older than him, cleared his throat to keep the more junior Wardens from arguing anymore. "Can we just get some second breakfast?"

Frustrated, Loghain just prodded an armored finger into Stroud's armored chest. "You damn Orlesians and all your extravagance! What, one breakfast isn't good enough for you?"

"It's tradition!" Stroud shouted in protest as he raised his two hands in front of him.

"You son of a bitch!" Loghain yelled as he grabbed at Stroud, before the young Carver began to hold him back.

"Maybe you should get out of here, Stroud." Carver advised since he was having a bit of trouble trying to hold back Loghain. Fortunately, Stroud followed his advice, and Carver eased up once the older Warden was gone.

"You should have let me have him." Loghain breathed heavily, clearly not in the best shape of his life.

"I think you've killed enough Grey Wardens for one lifetime," Carver said icily, as he looked around at the Val Royeaux crowd who had begun to stare at the pair, "besides I don't think that 'crazed Ferelden noble murders highly respected Orlesian citizen in the middle of the street' would be something that would sound good for anybody."

"I'm not a noble anymore since I was stripped of my Terynir."

"Who would have thought that regicide would have been something that the people of Ferelden would look down on?" Carver mocked. "The world we live in today, I tell you."

Loghain sighed as began to rub his temples. "I already told you, Cailan was betraying everything his father and I ever worked for to hand our country over to Orlais on a silver platter."

"Well, did you have to put so many of us in danger? Couldn't you have just hired a Crow to take out Cailan?"

"I don't see how gay sex would have solved anything."

Carver looked around, not quite sure what exactly to say to that, before he too sighed and just began to walk away. "Well, let's just hope that our King Alistair isn't as stupid as his brother."

Quickly, Loghain walked into step beside the young Carver and smiled at his Warden brother, "Did I mention that I think I like you?"

Carver returned the smile to the older Warden. "Go fuck yourself."

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I have more Dragon Age ideas that I want to do.


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